Do they hurt?

Angels and Demons

2009-05-15T14:38:00.002+01:00

Very funny (well I thought so) comment from the NYT on the director of "Angels and Demons":

Mr. Howard’s direction combines the visual charm of mass-produced postcards with the mental stimulation of an easy Monday crossword puzzle.

To all those planning to go and see this film - did you see the Da Vinci Code? You did? And you mean to tell me you want MORE of that? The film's "star" Tom Hanks, who plays Robert Langdon, is also nicely dispatched:

... his face stroboscopically snapping from wry smirk to worried squint and back again, Langdon is something of a cipher in his own right, a walking embodiment of skeptical intellect who seems, most of the time, not to have a thought in his head.

Kim Gordon is very cool

2009-05-15T10:57:00.007+01:00

Just had to link to this photo of Sonic Youth's Kim Gordon.How's that for unassailably cool? I can't believe she is 56. Seen on Matablog, photo taken by David Emery.

Purgatory = Tottenham

2009-05-13T13:14:00.002+01:00

I loved this exchange from In Bruges, watched on DVD last night:

Ken:
[looking at a surreal Bosch painting] It's Judgment Day, you know?
Ray:
No. What's that then?
Ken:
Well, it's, you know, the final day on Earth, when mankind will be judged for the crimes they've committed and that.
Ray:
Oh. And see who gets into heaven and who gets into hell and all that.
Ken:
Yeah. And what's the other place?
Ray:
Purgatory.
Ken:
Purgatory... what's that?
Ray:
Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham.
[pause]
Ray:
Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken?
Ken:
About Tottenham?

More quotes from the film here. Though on the basis of this season, you could make the same gag about Arsenal.

"Martin Amis does brilliant, world-famous novelist and all this as well." Pass the sick bag

2009-04-16T11:23:00.003+01:00

I was absolutely stunned when I read this over Easter. Don't think I've ever seen anything so sycophantic. OK, so I have very little time for Martin Amis. That's probably why it annoyed me so much. But still - Amis and Isabel Fonseca, "one of the most glamorous literary couples in the world"? Amis, "this writer of coruscating, polysyllabic, look-at-me prose, this writer who is one of the most famous writers alive"? (Wow, polysyllabic! How clever to be able to use words with more than one syllable!) Amis, "the sexy one, the hip one, the one who wrote the blistering satires on money and success, but did pretty well at garnering both"?

I could go on, but I fear I might be physically sick. Even Heat magazine would reject this kind of stuff for being too dumb. After the first ridiculous paragraphs, I thought ah, this is obviously some kind of super-ironic joke. She is doing a parody of a star-struck interviewer. But I fear not. She appears actually to be a star-struck interviewer. And a spectacularly brainless one at that. Oh go on then, here's a bit more: "... I'm not on his level. I haven't written a handful of the funniest, cleverest novels of the late 20th century". Ahh, poor little girl. Perhaps you should stay at home playing with puppies, rather than daring to share the same space as the most magnificent, wonderful, sexy, stylish writer around. If this is the kind of thing the Independent sees fit to print, then the sooner it goes out of business, the better. It will be no great loss.

"Tell the boys I loved them"

2009-04-16T10:59:00.003+01:00

Very sad article in the Graun recently by Jeremy Gavron, whose Mum killed herself when he was 4. This para is especially interesting:

Observation tells us that suicide runs in families, though whether the cause is nature or nurture is harder to know. For myself, I can say that my mother's suicide has given me knowledge - unwelcome knowledge, but knowledge nonetheless. One element of that knowledge is the possibility of suicide. Like drink to an alcoholic, it is always there in the background, always an option. But another part of that knowledge is an understanding of the actuality of suicide and its consequences for those left behind.

A nation of mindless slobs

2009-03-23T16:31:00.002Z

Culture secretary Andy Burnham saw an opportunity to score some cheap political points last week, using the success of England's female cricketers to upbraid the media for not taking more interest in women's sport. In doing so, he inadvertently let slip what he really thinks of the people in this country. His words:

"I think the British public can get interested in virtually any sport if it's sold to them in the right way."

Which really means:

"I think the British public are a load of mindless, indolent, curry-guzzling slobs, who spend most of their time slouched on their loathsome, spotty behinds and are capable of taking an interest in almost anything if the telly rams it down their throats aggressively enough."

Cheers, Andy.

The Full What?

2009-03-03T13:53:00.005Z

Will self reckons that "novels are the full monte". Eh? Shurely shome mishtake?

Morphmania

2009-03-03T12:13:00.001Z

A fun tribute to Tony Hart. There must be millions of Morph fans in the UK and elsewhere - can he not be made to live on in some way?

Two years

2009-03-02T13:09:00.004Z

Mum died two years ago today. Still much loved and much missed.

UPDATE: Christine has put an announcement in today's "In Memoriam" section in the Telegraph. Nice work.

The Homer Simpson defence

2009-03-02T11:10:00.002Z

Could be useful if I ever end up in court.

Some thoughts from David Lacey...

2009-02-28T18:53:00.001Z

From today's Graun:

Success in football usually involves imposing one style on another or at least having the better of similar styles. There are no absolutes. "Good football does not consist of playing 10-yard passes up and down the pitch and then having shots blocked off in the penalty area," declared Malcolm Allison in his definitive coaching work, Soccer For Thinkers, published more than 40 years ago.

Arsene Wenger take note.

How to make yourself VERY unpopular, especially during a recession

2009-02-28T10:52:00.003Z

Sarkozy's closest friend said that anyone who didn't own a Rolex watch by the age of 50 was "a failure".

Thanks for that, Jacques Seguela.

Recycling blues

2009-02-27T14:59:00.002Z

Mal Williams, chairman of the Campaign for Real Recycling, said some councils are producing low quality recycled material because of a method known as "co-mingled recycling" when households put out paper, plastics and other dry materials in one bag.

Oh dear. That's the system we have - very easy for us to use, but sounds like it's not so easy to sort the recycling afterwards. The Torygraph has the rest. Pah, recycling eh? What a load of rubbish.

Weight

2009-02-27T12:13:00.002Z

Alex is now 13 pounds exactly - so more than double his birthweight. Ouch, my aching back.

Michael Marmot

2009-02-27T11:46:00.002Z

Professor Michael Marmot says we have to do more to stop people getting obese. Inevitably he will be accused of a "nanny state approach" - this is his answer:

He cited two examples of communicable diseases, smallpox and water-borne diseases, which collective social action have largely eliminated. "We didn't say at the time, 'Oh, this is the nanny state providing clean water for people - people should decide for themselves whether they want to drink water with cholera in.' Nobody would say that today. Diet is a bit more complicated but we want the availability of a nutritious supply of food."

The rest is here.

Entrepreneurs

2009-01-30T11:16:00.001Z

Interesting comments from US journalist Mike Malone on recent Radio 4 programme "The Few" on the individualism of Silicon Valley entrepreneurs:

Entrepreneurs are very much focused on complete control of their own lives. You see that spreading out into our culture - look at the iPod, the iPhone, look at MP3 players, look at the personal computer. These are all basically products designed to empower individuals against structure, against large organisations. So it's liberating but it's also anarchistic.

Listen to the full programme here (for the next few days at least).

Nick

2008-12-08T13:22:00.003Z

peugeot crash1, originally uploaded by littererchewer.

Here's what my nephew Nick did to his Peugeot 306, 10 days after passing his driving test. Impressive, eh? He walked away completely unharmed, the lucky so-and-so.

Peter Shiu

2008-11-18T17:28:00.001Z

How funny - Steve told me about this yesterday. Peter Shiu used to live up the road from us in Lufbra. I knew all 3 of his kids and was in the same class as Amanda at primary school. Quite a few of us used to spend a lot of time at their house as they always had the latest cool stuff like Atari and Sodastream. Peter also kindly taught me how to do the Rubik's Cube. These brand names probably mean nothing to the kids of today but they were everything to us! Saw Amanda at Mum's funeral last year - must have been the first time I'd seen her in about 20 years. Mum was good friends with Christine Shiu, who died about 10 years ago. Both tremendous women. May they rest in peace.

More excellent cat action

2008-11-11T10:23:00.001Z

(Again via Andrew Sullivan)

Only one thing to say today

2008-11-08T15:45:00.000Z

Good old Arsenal,
we're proud to say that name.
And while we sing this song,
we'll win the game.

(Tune: Rule Britannia)

"Laugh all the way to the bank"

2008-11-06T15:11:00.001Z

Jay McInerney:

Four years ago, I found myself talking to one of Bush's southern state campaign chairmen, a wealthy businessman, on a fishing trip. "I don't give a shit about abortion or gay marriage," he said, "but for 10 per cent of the electorate those are the most important issues. So you give them the morality issues, bash the fags and the godless liberals and wetbacks, and laugh all the way to the bank."

Thank flip it didn't work this time.

NSS award*

2008-11-04T14:44:00.007Z

Marina Hyde comments on the Woss/Brand frenzy:

I truly suspect that some people complain just to feel part of it all.

However, the next bit is good:

Perhaps Ofcom should start issuing commemorative badges, so complainants will have souvenirs, and tell their grandchildren what they did in the Great Manuel wars.

This could soon be reality - after all, the Mail printed transcripts of the offending bits of the broadcast under the heading "Lest we forget". This is WAR, sweet lips. (Check out the hilariously ridiculous "what the BBC won't let you hear" subhead - does the Mail want the BBC to broadcast this stuff again so they can get all offended again?)

* No shit sherlock awards are given to those who distinguish themselves in the never-ending battle to state the bleedin' obvious.

"Subbuteo rocked."

2008-11-04T12:23:00.001Z

You can say that again. The book is called Teenage Flicks. Perfect. Here's David Baddiel:

"Me and my brother played it with religious intensity. We'd lay out the pitch in the room where the carpet was least rucked-up. That's where our parents kept their music centre. We'd use it for playing a 45 record called "The Subbuteo Sound". Sadly, I don't still have it. If I remember rightly, the artist was listed as "Subbuteo" and side one consisted of a crowd chanting "Suboo-tee-oh!". There was also general crowd noises. The crowd would make "oohs" and "aahs" at completely the wrong moments. We invested in a grandstand and some plastic picket fencing – the sort you'd see at a cricket ground. Funny because this was the period when Ken Bates was talking about installing electrified fencing round the pitch at Stamford Bridge. Subbuteo should've cashed in on that. They should've sold a battery hooked up to the fence which gives you a little electric shock. They should've sold miniature hooligans, too, which you flicked on to the pitch."

Shouting at the TV

2008-11-04T10:07:00.001Z

Good old Cherie Lunghi:

Have you always been political? "Yes, I grew up in a very political household. My mum used to shout at the television. At Mrs Thatcher. 'What a lot of fucking nonsense,' she used to shout."

Loof-broh Gramm-oh

2008-11-03T16:38:00.003Z

Loughborough Grammar School, originally uploaded by tomargh.

Matt Birks links to a nice photo of my old school. He was in the same year as me but excitingly now lives in Calgary. We had history lessons in that tower at the end of the path with Neddy and Stevie Smith. All good fun but it was a bit noisy when the bells were ringing.

Quote of the day

2008-11-03T13:16:00.005Z

It's a good one today. Apparently uttered by Spike Milligan:

"My father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic."

There are few more good ones on that page, like this:

"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion."

Good old Spike (if he really did come up with these).

Doing nothing

2008-11-03T13:10:00.002Z

Charlie Brooker - a man after my own heart:

This week Charlie became so dismayed by the number of things in his flat that need fixing, that he contemplated doing nothing: "And seeing how long it'll take for the entire structure to collapse."

"A merciful, speedy death"

2008-11-03T09:42:00.002Z

Good point from Simon Hoggart:

... a merciful, speedy death is difficult for those left behind, because it doesn't offer a chance to prepare for the grieving ahead.

"The degrading lust of gain"

2008-10-29T15:35:00.000Z

I liked this, from a nineteenth-century account of the South Sea bubble, cited by Nick Laird in the Graun last Saturday:

"Nobody seemed to imagine that the nation itself was as culpable as the South Sea Company. Nobody blamed the credulity and avarice of the people - the degrading lust of gain, which had swallowed up every nobler quality in the national character, or the infatuation which had made the multitude run their heads with such frantic eagerness into the net held out for them by scheming projectors. These things were never mentioned. The people were a simple, honest, hard-working people, ruined by a gang of robbers."

Read the rest (of the article, not the book).

Bullingdon

2008-10-28T10:26:00.003Z

Is it possible to imagine a more worthless, despicable bunch of scumbags? At least three of them were at Balliol. I had history tutorials with one of them. His voice was so ridiculously posh and affected that you could barely understand what he was saying. I had to listen to him reading out an essay once and had no idea what he was on about. And these spoilt brats will soon be running the country. Makes you want to puke.

The typical Southfields resident

2008-10-18T12:24:00.002+01:00

This is from the editorial in the newsletter of the Southfields Grid Residents' Association, which popped through our letterbox recently:

You'd be hard pressed to define a typical Southfields resident. Is it the Mum with young children? The twenty-something South African? The pensioner who's been here since the days of rationing? On a typical day you can see a mosaic of different races, faiths and nationalities, and hear any number of foreign tongues, from Chinese to Polish. You might even see a punk rocker or a Buddhist monk.

Is it Chris he has in mind?

"Monsieur Rapide"

2008-10-17T18:33:00.003+01:00

Nice article by Rory Bremner about one of his old teachers, Derek Swift:

He disliked people having to leave his class and go off to play rugby. He would say "go off and break your neck". When supervising the lunch queue, which was one of the jobs he had to do, instead of calling people by their names he would say: "Oi, infant".

I was interested in this because Derek also taught me a few years later, at Loughborough. He did not mellow with age - by the time I became one of his pupils in the sixth form, he didn't even call the kids "infant" any more, instead opting for the even more dismissive "thingy". Older students he had a better rapport with were known as "maestro". He used to say that teaching younger kids was not teaching at all, simply "babysitting", and claimed to be eking out a living on eleven quid a week. Presumably he gets a bit more than that now he has moved to Harrow.

He was also openly atheist, which was pretty rare for a teacher at my school. He refused to attend morning assembly and mocked his Christian colleagues behind their backs.

I think I remember him talking about meeting up with Rory and going to see him backstage. We were all terribly impressed. Like Mr Bremner, I used to imitate Derek, but then we all did, as he had such a distinctive way of talking. A few of us from the French class often still talk to each other in his voice, bizarre behaviour perhaps but it always raises a smile.

During our sessions attempting to speak French with the French assistant, we would translate his name as "Monsieur Rapide". For some reason, she found this absolutely hilarious every time. I guess there weren't many laughs to be had for a young French woman in a place like Loughborough, surrounded by sweaty, hormonal, adolescent boys.

That divorce

2008-10-15T16:46:00.001+01:00

She must have really hated RocknRolla. But probably not as much as Mark Kermode did.

Joerg Haider

2008-10-14T14:56:00.001+01:00

In normal circumstances, Haider's death would be big news (BBC obit here). I bet the conspiracy theorists are already having a field day. I hope he does not end up being treated as some kind of martyr, like the Dutch chap Pim Fortuyn.

How jolly

2008-10-14T14:36:00.001+01:00

Spotted on Sunday - a barber shop where you get a beer with your haircut. Hadn't seen one of those before...

DIY

2008-10-14T10:48:00.004+01:00

I put up a new blind in the kitchen at the weekend. The instructions included the following:

"It is recommended that this blind should only be installed by persons competent in DIY."

I wonder how many men read that bit and think, hm, I'd better not do it then?

iPlayer on Freeview

2008-10-13T15:11:00.001+01:00

Yes please.

"We're going to need John McCain"

2008-10-09T14:43:00.003+01:00

Just thought this comment was interesting as Michelle Obama sounds like she is already thinking of herself as the First Lady:

No matter who wins the election, Mrs. Obama said, there should be no hard feelings.

“You can’t tear up the game so much so that, you know, you don’t leave people something to come back to,” she said. “You know, we’re going to need John McCain, we’re going to need Cindy McCain, we’re going to need independents and Republicans working hard to fix this crisis.”

Sunn O)))

2008-10-09T10:28:00.002+01:00

Sean Michaels thinks McCain should try using Sunn O))) for his campaign soundtrack. Fantastic idea.

If only dogs could vote

2008-10-09T10:21:00.004+01:00

Excellent photo from Seattlest (via Andrew Sullivan):

Yikes

2008-10-08T16:32:00.003+01:00

Joan Bakewell heaps praise on Sheila Hancock's new book, but then, right at the end, she comes up with this (my italics):

... she has an ability, shared with Tracey Emin, to spill her ideas, thoughts and feelings directly on to the page.

Pretty much the worst insult I can imagine!

Those pesky Germans!

2008-10-06T18:10:00.001+01:00

Classic front page for the Mail today - damn those pesky Germans, eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more...

(via Mailwatch)

Guitar Heroes

2008-10-06T17:53:00.003+01:00

I like the look of this. Better set the recorder.

Best benefit

2008-10-03T15:37:00.002+01:00

Rather a clunky title for the conference I went to on Wednesday. Rather than "How Ireland can best benefit from its digital
dividend", I think they should have gone for "Cultural Learnings of
Digital Dividend for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Ireland". Much
snappier.

Anyone for Rothko?

2008-09-26T16:46:00.003+01:00

I could be persuaded.(image from here)
We have until 2 Feb next year (well until 2 Dec this year really)

King's Arms, Waterloo

2008-09-25T15:23:00.002+01:00

Had my faith in London pubs somewhat restored by last week's trip to the Eagle. Hope the King's Arms proves just as enjoyable this evening.

At least the City doesn't go on strike

2008-09-24T16:39:00.002+01:00

More good stuff from Mark Steel:

... despite being the most vastly paid section of society, no one can explain a single thing they do that's of any value at all. If they had their bonuses stopped they could hardly go on strike, as it's unlikely that it would cause much of an emergency, with people appearing on the news to say: "Unless they get back to buying files of bonds and selling them half an hour later for three million pounds profit, I'm going to run out of share speculation, and I can't put up with that, as I've got three kids."

Revisionism

2008-09-24T10:21:00.004+01:00

The financial crisis is making Martin Kelner look at "It's A Wonderful Life" in a very different light:

... we might have to take a revisionist view of It's A Wonderful Life when it resurfaces this Christmas. The saintly Stewart, you may recall, lent money to the poor people of Bedford Falls, with no real guarantees the money would ever be paid back, while the villainous Barrymore said it was madness granting loans to every redneck hick from the sticks (I am paraphrasing) who could write his name on a piece of paper. Turns out Barrymore was right and that the whole movie is based on a flawed premise. Into the water with you, James Stewart.

So instead of a heartwarming classic about the fundamental decency of man, it should be regarded as a cautionary tale for bankers. Don't think my Christmas dinner will taste as good this year somehow...

Eh?

2008-09-23T16:38:00.002+01:00

Whatever qualities David Miliband may eventually bring to the job of Labour leader, command of the English language is clearly not one of them:

"I do not accept any of the allegations that are being put around," he told reporters. "This hearsay that the BBC is repeating with absolutely no basis is something that they should know better than."

Case for new Pod

2008-09-23T10:08:00.002+01:00

Went for this one in the end.

More Bad News

2008-09-23T09:40:00.002+01:00

That description of The Beatles reminded me of this bit from the excellent "More Bad News":

Vim Fuego: Yeah, "Warrior of Genghis Khan" is a political song.
Sally: Burning looting raping shooting, repeat.
Vim Fuego: Well I guess it's more poetical political.
Sally: Isn't it just macho-male egotistical dominance along with orgiastic blood letting and violence against women?
Den Dennis: Yeah, that's the bits I like.

(The original "Bad News Tour" might be better though. Discuss.)

Test Match Special

2008-09-23T09:34:00.002+01:00

Mark Steel loves TMS, so it was a boyhood dream fulfilled to be the lunchtime guest:

... none were as entertaining as the magnificent Geoffrey Boycott, who walked straight up to my son and with crisp authority said "And what do you do? Do you bat or bowl?" Because it can't occur to Geoffrey there's any category of human being that doesn't do either. If you stuck him in the middle of Ecuador he'd go straight up to an old woman on a donkey and say "And what do you do? Do you bat or bowl?"

Read the rest here.

"There is no musical or artistic experience here"

2008-09-23T09:08:00.002+01:00

So this is why the powers that be in Israel didn't want a visit from The Beatles in 1964:

"There is no musical or artistic experience here but a sensual display that arouses feelings of aggression replete with sexual stimuli."

Sounds great to me. What were they complaining about?

Complete bankers

2008-09-22T12:22:00.001+01:00

A graduate trainee shares his pain in Saturday's Graun. What amazes me is how little imagination these guys have:

A few months into the job, a colleague took me down to the car park under our offices. His message was clear: keep your head down, and 10 to 15 years from now you can have your own Ferrari to park in your own Lehman parking space.

All that money, and that is the height of your ambition? Is that really the best you can do? Don't think I'll ever understand why rich people all seem to want the same, boring stuff.

Slightly doomed

2008-09-22T10:41:00.002+01:00

Heard a good point on the Today programme last week. Or at least I heard it on the podcast I was listening to in the middle of the night. Alistair Darling got tons of grief a couple of weeks ago for saying we were facing the worst economic situation for 60 years. He was accused of "talking down the economy". In fact, it seems he was largely right. Although now that we are being told that this is the worst crisis for 80 years, was he guilty of underestimating the problem? Perhaps he should be taken to task for his irrational exuberance, not his excessive pessimism.

I can already imagine the interviewer's words next time Darling appears on TV: "Chancellor, just how doomed are we exactly?" Completely or only slightly? Not sure if he was asked this on the Today programme this morning, but he certainly should have been.

"I no longer care at all"

2008-09-22T10:25:00.002+01:00

Hilarious comment follows this Stephen Pollard article:

I used to care passionately about the survival of the West. I no longer care at all. I shall be dead; I have no children. Let Islam finally triumph over the Christian West if that is God's will. Do we as a people deserve any better? I mean, look at the way we live!

Life in Princes Risborough (where the author of the comment resides) must be even worse than I thought.

Rick Wright tribute

2008-09-19T13:16:00.004+01:00

Greene for PM

2008-09-18T13:00:00.002+01:00

World-weary contempt and thinly veiled misanthropy are great for writers, but perhaps running a country requires something a bit more uplifting.

Oh I dunno... perhaps Graham Greene is the best PM we never had. Then again, it probably would have been a bit of a struggle keeping the notoriously itinerant chap in the country long enough to carry out his duties. Perhaps he could have focused solely on visiting world leaders, while some poor sod got on with the real work of running the place in his absence...

Advice for GB

2008-09-18T12:49:00.004+01:00

Suggestions for Gordon Brown's conference speech next week:

One pitch is that you dispense with political matters completely but come on and speak in solemn fashion and in their entirety the lyrics of "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor. As you'll no doubt remember, they begin: "Risin' up, back on the street/Did my time, took my chances/Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet/Just a man and his will to survive." But become even more moving subsequently.

Worth a try I suppose...

Obama effect?

2008-09-18T09:23:00.004+01:00

Something for Obama's team to build into their calculations - voters who shy away from backing a black man at the last minute:

Doug Wilder, 77, still meets people who wanted to vote for him when he stood for governor of Virginia back in 1989 but found they just could not do it. They said they would. They even thought they would. But when it came down to it, they just could not vote for a black man. "I've had people who tell me 'I didn't vote for you for lieutenant governor or governor. I wish I had that chance again'," he says.
On the eve of his election he led in the polls by 9%. On the day he won by less than 0.5%. They call it the Wilder effect - the shortfall between white voters' professed support for black candidates and their propensity to actually vote that way. They also call it the Bradley effect, after the Los Angeles mayor Tom Bradley who stood for California governor in 1982. Back then the deception continued even after some had cast their ballot. Bradley's exit poll lead was so significant that early editions of the San Francisco Chronicle projected his victory. He lost by just over 1%.
The question over the next two months is: will there be an Obama effect?

This is from Gary Younge at the Guardian.

London's Slow Food Market

2008-09-17T18:04:00.003+01:00

... starts tomorrow. Yum.

The Eagle Ale House, Clapham

2008-09-17T16:52:00.005+01:00

... is where I'm going tonight (NB NOT, and I repeat NOT, for "drinkypoos"). Hope it's as good a boozer as the reviews suggest.

UPDATE: an excellent place - decent beer and it was curry night as well! Shame Arsenal couldn't win, that would have made the evening even better.

US elections

2008-09-17T15:53:00.002+01:00

The Republicans' tactics in the presidential election campaign make me think of these lines from The Thick Of It, uttered by Glen Cullen:

This is a bucket of shit. If someone throws shit at us, we throw shit back at them. We start a shit fight. We throw so much shit back at them so they can't pick up shit, they can't throw shit, they can't DO shit.

That seems to pretty much sum up McCain's approach. "We throw so much shit at them so they can't pick up shit, they can't throw shit, they can't DO shit." It's his only hope.

The Thick Of It was so brilliant I don't think I've fully grasped just how good it was yet. Does that make sense? More quotable bits here.

Springer

2008-09-17T13:31:00.001+01:00

Finally caught up with the Jerry Springer episode of WDYTYA last night. Interesting stuff - thought he came out of it quite well. Like Boris Johnson. Unlike Patsy Kensit.

Things NOT to do before you die

2008-09-16T11:25:00.002+01:00

Glad to see "read Ulysses" is on the list, as I have tried and failed several times:

... it is guaranteed to clog up your all too short life. Banned, criticised and suppressed on moral grounds when it first came out, it thereby became far more famous and far more durable than it would ever have been otherwise. Had it been published openly originally, the book would in all probability have been ignored, or at least gained wider recognition for the pretentious nonsense it is. The lives of generations of English Literature undergraduates the world over would have been considerably eased as a result.

Har de har.

UPDATE: this is from The Times:

There’s a brilliant scene in the much-underrated sitcom It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum, when Sergeant Major Williams (Windsor Davies) snatches a book from Mr La-di-dah Gunner Graham and says:
‘What’s this you’re reading? Useless?’
‘Ulysses, Sergeant Major.'

Tee hee

2008-09-16T11:08:00.004+01:00

Check out the box this "distraught" Lehman employee is using to carry her no doubt meagre work belongings - kind of appropriate:

(via Charles Arthur) - actually, perhaps the box has wine in it, and she is off to console herself, along with a few oenologically-gifted colleagues! Perhaps it is a gift from a grateful client which could prove embarrassing and has to be disposed of immediately...

(retrieved from the Mail site - apologies for linking to that vicious rag)

Vaughan again

2008-09-16T11:00:00.001+01:00

"Everyone would have loved to see me in charge but I do think the team needed a new direction."

Talk about false modesty! (if that link is not right, see the Guardian's "The Spin" newsletter for 16 September)

shudder

2008-09-15T18:40:00.001+01:00

Can I just say at this point that I absolutely can't stand it when people say "drinkypoos" to refer to going for a drink. Makes me want to puke. That is all. Sorry to interrupt. Carry on.

Rick Wright RIP

2008-09-15T17:29:00.001+01:00

Bummer. Only three of the guys left now.

UPDATE: Dave Gilmour reacts. And here's the Mojo obituary.

Grange Hill RIP

2008-09-15T16:48:00.004+01:00

You will not be forgotten.

Death Magnetic

2008-09-15T16:05:00.002+01:00

Think the new Metallica album just crashed my computer. Appropriate really I guess. Thanks, Rick Rubin, for giving us this band back.

A Sunday morning walk

2008-09-15T15:48:00.006+01:00

I seem to be linking to Peter Wilby a lot these days. Here he shows us how newspaper editors decide what stories to include:

When I was news editor of the Independent on Sunday in the early 1990s, I sent a reporter to a northern council estate. The aim was to expose the reality of poverty as, at the time, there was controversy over whether, in modern Britain, it existed except as a statistical abstraction. The report was vivid, the pictures striking. I was rather pleased with the full page we laid out.
Alas, the then editor, Stephen Glover - now a Daily Mail columnist and also my rival press commentator on the Independent - was having none of it. This was not, he said, "a Sunday-morning read". The pictures did not show a place "where I would want to go for a Sunday-morning walk". I was instructed to spike the piece or at least move it to a less prominent position.

And that was the early 1990s - possibly contradicting Nick Davies's contention that the trivialisation of news is a recent phenomenon. It's probably been happening forever. The rest of the column (which doesn't actually deal with that issue) is here.

Whom to support?

2008-08-28T15:29:00.004+01:00

Scottish sports fans must have had a tricky time during the Olympic cycling events. In the men's team sprint final, the British riders consisted of one Scot, whom they presumably wanted to win, and two Englishmen, whom they presumably really, really, really wanted to lose and preferably die in some kind of unprecedented natural disaster. I wonder which outcome was desired most strongly - a glorious Scottish victory or a heartbreaking English defeat? Must have been a close call.

My previous life

2008-08-26T10:48:00.001+01:00

A blast from the past yesterday - found a bit of A4 paper with nothing written on it but this:

For left-wingers, especially Marxist analysts, Gaullism's rhetoric of modernisation was merely confirmation of its absolute subjection to the power of big business. Gaullists were mere mouthpieces for the ideology of capital.

What wonderfully pompous stodge. The question is - did I write it? Don't think so, but you never know...

Today in history

2008-08-22T15:41:00.001+01:00

Big day for historical anniversaries today: death of Richard III (1485), start of English Civil War (1642) and death of Michael Collins (1922). All heavy stuff!

Youthful reading

2008-08-20T15:23:00.002+01:00

Some nice lines from Tessa Hadley:

Is it true that once you've left your youth behind you never do quite that kind of reading again: not only entering wholeheartedly into a book, but actually changing your own shape, the way you imagine yourself, in response to how the book involves and delights you? I'm not sure that it ever stops altogether, but you do become more realistic about your own qualities.

Now read on.

Mao Mao?

2008-08-15T17:18:00.002+01:00

If the editor of Press Gazette cannot even spell Mao - see the end of this blog entry - then there really is no hope for the publication. As for "Let a thousand flowers bloom", the "Great Helmsman" didn't really mean it -it was just a way of flushing out people who disagreed with him so he could murder them. At least that's what Jung Chang says.

Non et non

2008-08-01T16:11:00.002+01:00

I've just had a most useful telephone conversation:

Hello, could I speak to Mme Bornas please?
She is away on holiday at the moment.
Ah. Well, perhaps someone else there could help? I have a question about the report on the digital dividend.
Not at the moment, there is no one else here this afternoon.
Ah. Perhaps next week then?
No, Mme Bornas won't be back until the beginning of September.
I mean will anybody else be available next week?
No.
So nothing can be done?
No.
(Sigh). OK, thanks anyway. Goodbye.

Don't you just love France?

Jedi Gym

2008-07-10T17:25:00.001+01:00

Very funny.

Taoiseach

2008-06-20T15:13:00.001+01:00

I had never seen recently-installed Irish taoiseach Brian Cowen until this week - what a fantastically bizarre-looking man he is. He is like a puppet out of some 1970s children's programme (on the left):

If only...

2008-06-18T18:19:00.002+01:00

Nick Hornby spots a classic case of English myopia:

In his sports column in today’s Evening Standard, former Tory politician David Mellor reckons that “with Croatia and Turkey through to the quarter-finals, it is even more blindingly obvious what a great chance England would have had, if they had qualified. Frustrating, isn’t it?” I had to read this twice, just to make sure that I wasn’t missing some elegantly-disguised irony, but I’m pretty sure it’s not there. Perhaps he has forgotten that the main reason Croatia are playing in Euro 2008 at all is that they beat England twice, home and away, in the qualifying group.

Cinema weirdness

2008-06-09T12:08:00.002+01:00

Some very strange behaviour in the cinema the other week. We were allocated seats when we bought our tickets, but there were so few people in the cinema when we got there that we decided just to sit in the seats we fancied. Another couple then came in and embarked on a lengthy search for their allotted seats, despite there being hardly anyone else there. Clearly they were unfamiliar with the concept of rows and numbered seats. After all, it is a bit of a new idea, and very difficult to grasp. In the end they seemed to give up and decide, like the rest of us, just to sit where they felt like sitting. Which was, of course, in the two seats directly in front of us. Why? Why? Why?

Well that was a hot weekend...

2008-06-09T11:42:00.002+01:00

And we spent much of it in the sun, which explains why we are feeling fairly wiped out this Monday morning. One of K's mates did us a barbecue on Saturday, which was pretty good, and then Graham and Alice cooked for us yesterday. So I guess that officially makes us parasites. A funny moment on Saturday when K's friend's dog attempted to make friends with K a bit too vigorously and succeeded only in making the chair she was sitting on collapse. If only we'd had a camcorder, it would have been perfect for "You've Been Framed". Fortunately no damage to K, although it's certainly the end of the road for the chair. That'll teach them to get their garden furniture on the cheap off the Internet!

This is the first post I've written using Microsoft Live Writer, as recommended by Matthew Stibbe (whom I often get mixed up with Martin Stabe). Could make it easier to maintain more than one blog site - we'll see how it goes!

See ya later...

2008-04-23T10:51:00.000+01:00

Woman comes home to find alligator in kitchen | World news | guardian.co.uk

Yikes!

Entirely silly video of a cat

2008-04-22T10:32:00.002+01:00

Via Mitch Benn.

Balsamic and thyme steak

2008-04-12T16:25:00.001+01:00

Balsamic and thyme steak Recipe | 4Food | Channel4.com

Tonight's dinner sorted.

New Young Knives blog

2008-04-11T16:14:00.002+01:00

Good old Henry:

"I wake up on Monday morning at home and I immediately have the lergie. That's what happens when you stop after 3 weeks of continuous rocking."

Suicidial US policemen

2008-04-08T14:37:00.001+01:00

Suicide Bigger Threat for Police Than Criminals - New York Times:

Mr. Douglas estimates that 400 to 450 officers kill themselves each year, compared with 150 to 200 who die in the line of duty.

Cripes.

TV creatures

2008-04-08T14:25:00.001+01:00

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Bagpuss tops TV creature survey

Paddington would have got my vote. I was very fond of the bear from Peru when I was a kid and even wrote "I am Paddington" in some long-lost childish notebook. I was also addicted to marmalade sandwiches. Excellent narration by Michael Hordern (RIP).

Drip, drip, drip

2008-04-06T14:24:00.003+01:00

22:10 I was at Wembley for this, with the Baggies fans. They were unlucky tinyurl.com/6y6bsc #
22:25 Think the sub got a bit carried away with this headline: tinyurl.com/5lqdgf #
23:15 You won't catch the Taleban reneging on any promises. Decent, honourable chaps, all of them. tinyurl.com/42zrtg #

Twitter digest

2008-04-05T17:19:00.003+01:00

09:55 Something for Harriet Harman next time she goes out: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7329892.stm #
10:16 "The executive uses policy as publicity; government is one long election campaign." tinyurl.com/ywjfws #
10:41 Never mind peace and love, just show me the money! news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7330182.stm #
11:03 Good old Stevie: tinyurl.com/3eylae #
11:55 Andrew Collins is doing good reviews of "The Apprentice" - you hardly need to watch the programme itself: tinyurl.com/29t6d4 #
12:30 "Like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense, the Clinton campaign doesn't yet know that it's already dead." tinyurl.com/yvq38q #
13:50 Hm, I might have to start emphasising the Yorkshire side of my background... tinyurl.com/32xg82 #
16:10 Good news for A A Gill and his ilk: tinyurl.com/3pj9x8 #
17:32 It's 3 years since I did this and every year I wish I was doing it again - good luck everyone tinyurl.com/4fluz8 #
17:34 Here's someone who IS doing it if you want to sponsor someone: www.justgiving.com/drspencer #
18:51 Dream on, Arsene: news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/a/arsenal/7331494.stm #

Train death

2008-04-04T13:47:00.000+01:00

I still don't understand this. Why couldn't she get her foot out of her boot? And if the passer-by managed to get her foot out, why couldn't she get out of the way? I guess it all happened very quickly...

Yesterday's blips

2008-04-04T09:36:00.003+01:00

10:26 Gonna have to vote for Ken then: tinyurl.com/34zgh5 #
12:56 Might be some useful advice here on writing a non-fiction book: tinyurl.com/3an6to #
14:35 Good luck mate, you'll need it: tinyurl.com/39h3q5 #
15:46 Man-uel Al-mu-nia, Man-uel Al-mu-nia, Man-uel Al-mu-nia, Man-uel Al-mu-nia.. tinyurl.com/ywttem #
16:07 "Crashing through the surf onto a glorius beach of personal and national pride and fulfillment." Who on earth comes up with this stuff? It must be tongue in cheek: tinyurl.com/22m4an #

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Yesterday's blips on my mental readout

2008-04-03T09:34:00.005+01:00

10:17 K is reading this at the moment tinyurl.com/2vr7sx #
13:09 Good joke from Hague. tinyurl.com/2wjmz2 #
13:19 Well, he couldn't be any worse than Boris tinyurl.com/3y7fs9 #
14:06 Mmm, mango - could well be the king of fruit. #
14:09 Hi there Tommy Tanker. Looking forward to seeing your Tweets! #
14:25 Why is Evan Davis replacing Carolyn Quinn? It should be Harumphrys who is leaving www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/apr/02/bbc.radio #
14:26 Nifty thing for Wordpress: flagrantdisregard.com/wordstats/ #
16:29 Tonight's dinner sorted: tinyurl.com/2prym8 #
16:29 (will use fresh not frozen veg tho) #
17:55 OK - I am now officially disappointed with the Black Mountain album tinyurl.com/2pkw79 #
17:59 Ugh: tinyurl.com/2ta868 #

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Twitter digest

2008-04-02T10:15:00.007+01:00

11:12 Don't you just love football? tinyurl.com/yq45yq #
12:04 Went to this last night, worth seeing: tinyurl.com/3xqx4x #
12:14 Chickyog has just linked to some live Zappa. Yum: tinyurl.com/ys2cyj #
14:11 TESSA JOWELL is running Ken's re-election campaign? No wonder it's going so badly. www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article366 #
14:18 This low caffeine coffee is perfect for people who don't really like coffee. Unfortunately, I am not one of them. # 14:58 It was pretty warm while I was walking to the post office just now. Has spring sprung? #
15:04 If that sad tosser Nick Cohen wins the Orwell prize I will chew my own kneecaps off. tinyurl.com/2pk5vc #
15:27 That car alarm again! Aaaaaargh!!! #
16:56 I never realised that trips such as this existed before this weekend. The mind boggles www.hoverland.com/ostendturkeyandtinsel.htm #
17:43 More lovely behaviour from football fans tinyurl.com/2med66 #
17:52 Our mortgage deal runs out in a few months. Yikes. tinyurl.com/32x94d #
19:01 An Islamic state? Come off it. tinyurl.com/36zpsf=OTC-RSS&attr=797084 #
07:18 Another former Balliol colleague tinyurl.com/2qhuxk #

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Merseyside derby

2008-04-01T11:07:00.001+01:00

Don't you just love football?

Merseyside police will today hold discussions with Liverpool and Everton regarding alleged incidents during Sunday's local derby match at Anfield. The investigation will focus on claims that Phil Neville, the Everton captain, was spat at and punched by Liverpool supporters as he prepared to take a throw-in, while Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard was forced to endure abusive chants about his daughter.

South Park

2008-03-26T13:13:00.003Z

South Park made free on the web : Broadband TV News

Excellent - it's South Park on demand. Get yours here.

Dales

2008-03-26T12:51:00.003Z

The official Yorkshire Dales web site

For escaping at Easter. This was the view from our cottage:

Fountains Abbey

2008-03-26T12:49:00.002Z

Fountains Abbey, Studley Royal, Garden, Historic Ruins, Yorkshire

Well worth a visit.

Can be a bit cold at times though:

Yorke Arms

2008-03-26T12:48:00.001Z

The Yorke Arms: Restaurant with rooms

This wasn't bad on Sunday, despite it taking them absolutely ages to get the coffee ready!

Do they hurt?

Angels and Demons

Kim Gordon is very cool

Purgatory = Tottenham

"Martin Amis does brilliant, world-famous novelist and all this as well." Pass the sick bag

"Tell the boys I loved them"

A nation of mindless slobs

The Full What?

Morphmania

Two years

The Homer Simpson defence

Some thoughts from David Lacey...

How to make yourself VERY unpopular, especially during a recession

Recycling blues

Weight

Michael Marmot

Entrepreneurs

Nick

Peter Shiu

More excellent cat action

Only one thing to say today

"Laugh all the way to the bank"

NSS award*

"Subbuteo rocked."

Shouting at the TV

Loof-broh Gramm-oh

Quote of the day

Doing nothing

"A merciful, speedy death"

"The degrading lust of gain"

Bullingdon

The typical Southfields resident

"Monsieur Rapide"

That divorce

Joerg Haider

How jolly

DIY

iPlayer on Freeview

"We're going to need John McCain"

Sunn O)))

If only dogs could vote

Yikes

Those pesky Germans!

Guitar Heroes

Best benefit

Anyone for Rothko?

King's Arms, Waterloo

At least the City doesn't go on strike

Revisionism

Eh?

Case for new Pod

More Bad News

Test Match Special

"There is no musical or artistic experience here"

Complete bankers

Slightly doomed

"I no longer care at all"

Rick Wright tribute

Greene for PM

Advice for GB

Obama effect?

London's Slow Food Market

The Eagle Ale House, Clapham

US elections

Springer

Things NOT to do before you die

Tee hee

Vaughan again

*shudder*

Rick Wright RIP

Grange Hill RIP

Death Magnetic

A Sunday morning walk

Whom to support?

My previous life

Today in history

Youthful reading

Mao Mao?

Non et non

Jedi Gym

shudder